Any advice or opinions, please.?

Well let me start by saying im 26 with 3 young kids. Their daddy was killed in a car accident 7months ago, its been very difficult for all of us. Ive def taken his death harder then i could have ever imagined its so emotionally hard esp with lil ones to raise. I very rarely sleep anymore, i used to be the good girl law abiding citizen, no drugs, drinkin none of that. But since his death ive gone down hill and i cant stop rolling, its like a bad nightmare. I started takin tylenol pm to sleep, started with 2, then 4, then 5 up to 10 at one swallow. They dont even work anymore, i tried to stop but get very bad headaches when dont take any. Ive started spending every weekend at bar, drinking til i can barely walk and i drive myself home apart of me doesnt care if i make it home safely because i want to be with him again so bad but another part of me keeps sayin u dumba.. I dont know what to do, ive shut my kids and every1 else out... I just want to stay at the bar, alcohol seems to numb the pain. Please help