Anas please help me!?

I have lived the Ana(occasionally mia) lifestyle on and off for years, and I was a darn good one! Never ate out of hunger or appetite. Exercised, etc. when I got a boyfriend he began making sure I ate and such, wouldn't let me misuse supplements (not laxatives, I'm not that stupid) etc, now I can't lose any weight! How am I supposed to lose weight like this? my mind is eating me alive and I get suicidal thoughts and want to cut and I DO bruise, can't sleep, soo depressed when I am stuck eating. How can I lose weight while consuming over 300 cal? (my tops used to be 90 cal if at all) please help! I am sick of this depression!